Some things I want to teach my child

Not an exhaustive list, but a start. These apply to various ages, and are in no particular order:

  • I will do my best to make sure you are happy, safe, and always know you are loved. I won’t always succeed, but I’ll keep trying.
  • If anyone really hurts you, I will rip them to shreds.
  • If you are misbehaving, I will give you at least two choices. One will be the right choice, the others will have consequences. You will know the right choice ahead of time. You will know the consequences of the wrong choices ahead of time. It’ll be your call. After a while, you’ll have to figure out what the right choice is on your own.
  • Thunderstorms are about the best thing ever.
  • You won’t get everything you want, but you’ll get everything you need.
  • To apologize when you’ve done something wrong. To sincerely accept someone else’s apology when they’ve done something wrong. Like mine, because I’ll probably screw up a lot.
  • I will be infinitely patient with you as long as I think you’re really trying.
  • Please and thank you. No exceptions.
  • Dirt doesn’t hurt anything. That said, don’t track mud into the house.
  • You can do it. I don’t even know what “it” is yet, but you can do it.
  • If they’re not family or one of your extended group of aunts and uncles, adults are “Sir” or “Ma’am.”
  • When you get a little older, to have a good, firm handshake.
  • Don’t let Uncle Tred tell you about Tuesday.
  • You will be handsomely rewarded for good behavior and hard work, especially if it’s your idea.
  • Teachers deserve your complete respect. If your teacher tells me you’re misbehaving, you and I are going to have a problem.
  • I will trust you implicitly as long as you show me you’re trustworthy. If you break my trust, you’re going to have to earn it back, and that won’t be a cake walk, honey.
  • Daddy is most likely pulling your leg. Don’t worry, grasshopper. Your bullshit meter will soon be as well-tuned as mine.
  • If you’re a biter, and I find out about it, I’ll tell you why it’s wrong and give you a chance to stop on your own. If you keep biting, I will bite you to show you what it feels like. Ask your Grandberry why this is effective.
  • Spilling stuff is no big deal. Don’t make a habit of it, but it’s not the end of the world.
  • “All the other kids are doing it” will never be a compelling argument.
  • Spelling and grammar matter.
  • If, as you get older, you do something illegal, you’ll face the law. I won’t bail you out.
  • Treat other people the way you’d like to be treated.
  • The correct way to say “croissant.”
  • Sure, you can have a sip of my beer.
  • To be a gracious winner. To be a gracious loser.
  • How to make your great-Grammie’s cucumber salad.
  • Noticing people’s differences is natural. Being mean to them because of them is unacceptable.
  • You don’t ever, EVER intentionally hurt an animal.
  • Root for both Michigan State and the Badgers, unless they’re playing each other. Then may I suggest, in the interest of familial peace, you alternate?

3 thoughts on “Some things I want to teach my child

  1. Nicely done, Lina.
    If the Colonel turns out to have anything close to your character and joie de vivre, the world will be an even better place!

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