Conversations with a pregnant bladder

Bladder: Ahem…

Caroline: Oh hi, right. Sure. One sec.

[Goes to the bathroom]

B: Thanks! I needed that!

C: Sure, no problem.

[About 20 minutes passes. No liquid consumed.]

B: Yo! Guess what?

C: You’re kidding, right? I just went.

B: What can I say? I’m full.

C: But you’re NOT, see? I’ll go back to the bathroom, and I’ll squeeze out about a half a cup. Not exactly “full.”

B: Are you calling me a liar?

C: No, but maybe you’re a bit dramatic.

B: Okay, look, I don’t know if you noticed, but there’s a PERSON in here with me now. All of us organs are adjusting to this new roommate that we didn’t plan for.

C: I know, I know. But why is it you’re the only one complaining?

B: You know as well as I do, the intestines are passive aggressive and the uterus just spends all day crowing about how important she is. It’s annoying. I, at least, am in touch with my emotions. Now, could you help a bladder out?


[Goes to the bathroom, squeezes out said half cup]


C: Good, glad to hear it. Now will you please shut up?

B: Whoa, I didn’t deserve that.

C: You’re right. I’m sorry.

[Goes to get a glass of water. Drinks about a quarter of it.]

B: Helloooo? What the hell? You got a fire hose hooked up up there?

C: Are you serious? I just drank like three gulps. You can’t tell me it’s even had time to get down to you!

B: I know what I know. Now, seriously, it’s getting uncomfortable down here.

C: You’re just going to have to wait. I can’t be going to the bathroom every 15 minutes. I just can’t.


C: If you recall, you’ve repeatedly gone well over 50 or 60 miles on the motorcycle “full,” and it all turned out okay. Quit being such a crybaby. Just hang on.

B: That was impressive, I admit, but things have changed. Now, pleeeeez? I’m not kidding!

C: I think you can wait a bit longer. Oh, wait. Hang on, I think I have to sneeze. Ah….aaaaah….AHCHOOO!


C: Oh crap. Damnit.

B: I told you.


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