All I need to do to make a bajillion dollars…

…is invent a binkie that, through some bleeding-edge scientific mechanism, connects with an infant’s brain and determines whether the binkie ejection impulse is intended, or accidental. If intended, the ejection proceeds. If accidental, a highly complex series of electromagnetic impulses keeps the binkie FIRMLY IN THE KID’S MOUTH. We’ll call it the “Binkinator X5000.” It’ll revolutionize the infant soothing industry.